Hey gang! I’m your friendly local queer… ok, I might not be local to you, but friendly I certainly am, and the internet kinda makes us all neighbors, eh?
Professionally, I am a computer programmer by trade, and an entrepreneur by passion. I program in a variety of languages that to the uninitiated will just seem like a bunch of alphabet soup, and I own my own small business: a board game library in central Indiana.
Polyamory and bisexuality is something that has always felt natural to me, not a question in the world about those. I came out to my friends and loved ones about my sexuality when I was 15 years old. I very sheepishly told my best friend first, and she says to this day she was terrified I was about to tell her I had cancer or something. She was thrilled to learn I was just bisexual.
Polyamory was something I knew I wanted from that age as well, although I didn’t have the words to describe it. It wasn’t till I was in my early twenties that I actually learned the words necessary to tell my husband what I wanted. I was in the midst of an affair, not my most shining moment, and was looking for ways to tell my husband when I first learned the words I needed. Polyamory seemed the perfect solution, as I loved both him and the person I was cheating on him with. He ended up finding out before I grew the nerve to talk to him, and after many tears we went to marriage counseling. Ultimately, we decided to give polyamory a try, rather then simply dissolving our marriage. About five years later, my husband asked me for a divorce. It was completely unrelated to the affair, but stung terribly. We were together for 13 years and it’s hard to let a person go after that long, but we had grown apart.
The final piece of my queer resume: I’m also transgendered. I am pre just about everything. Pre-surgery. Pre-hormone replacement therapy. Socially though I am in the middle of my transition. There are still plenty of people that know me by my dead name, but I am out to more and more people. I dress in a masculine fashion exclusively and have for a long time. It wasn’t till around the beginning of 2016 that I took the label of trans masculine, and that was after a large amount of soul searching. Prior to that I was using the label of Gender Neutral, I think because it felt safer in a lot of ways. But there is nothing neutral about me, I am very masculine. Growing up I tried to be girly, I tried to do the things other young ladies did, but they were always extremely uncomfortable and I thought I was just really bad at being a girl. And really, that was true. I was bad at being a girl, because I wasn’t one. Funny how such a simple thing took me 30 years to figure out. I’m already 100 times more comfortable in my own skin then I did just a few years ago.
Why am I pre-everything? We want to have children of our own. Surrogates are financially out of the question, and no agency is going to adopt to such a queer family. Ideally we want biological children, and thus for that to happen, I’m going to have to suck it up and carry children. Testosterone doesn’t play well with carrying babies, and thus I would have to go off of it to try to get pregnant. Given the timelines our family has for children, at this stage in my life I would no sooner go on it, but would have to go back off of it. Thus, I am waiting till after babies come… which means I am going to be waiting for about three more years at least before I can do much.
Now I spend my days with a very loving and supporting “intentional family” of adults. None of us are related by blood, but the bonds between us are stronger than many blood ties I’ve ever had. Our interactions are much like any other family: planning who needs the car, what we are having for dinner, whose turn is it to take out the trash, etc. It’s just that our interactions also include questions like “who am I sleeping with tonight?”. But, really, I wouldn’t want it any other way.